Boyfriend being rubbish. Not seen him for almost three weeks. Not so close. Gonna be worse when we live an additional hour an a half away from each other come September. Distance sucks. His lack of commitment sucks. Hngggg. Year since we met today too.

Hi wordpress. Stats keep telling me the post i made ages ago about wanting to go see Family Force 5 is pretty popular, so a word on that: i didn’t go (to their headlining tour). I saw them in Leeds on Saturday though and they were good, just didn’t play a long enough set because they were support. Oh, and i live in Leeds now. Dunno if i mentioned that.

Being poor is rubbish. I still don’t have any good friends in Leeds apart from Jordan Taylor who was a friend from college anyway. Because of being in the crap middle ground where i neither get a government grant or financial help from my parents, once my student loan has put a roof over my head there isn’t much left. This has meant that pretty much everyone else who lives here have been out with each other loads, bonded and become good mates while i’ve been staying in, add to this that some of them have dropped out of uni, but are still here because of their rent contracts – so get to hang togethether all day, some people have courses that seem to be less demanding essay/reading wise – meaning that they get more free time to hang and that i’m one of the few non-smokers (who isn’t at all keen on hanging about in a room with half a dozen people who do and getting ill/a smell on my clothes) and it can get pretty lonely here some days. I guess it’s partly my fault – alternating visiting my boyfriend and having him over at weekends has probably made me a little less sociable, but we can’t really be blamed for revelling in the fact that we have our own places and making the most of it, as it home i wasn’t even allowed straight boys in my room. But mainly it is the fault of poverty. (And kinda the fact that i’m not really that into most of the people i’ve met and can’t be bothered being false and making loads of effort just so they’ll be my friend). I just want some other poor people to bum about in my flat with of an evening.

Happy/sad/happy/sad/happy/sad. The emotional fluctuations of someone who is in love with someone who loves her back, but not as much as she loves him. I’m always wanting more.

fuck yeah.
last time i wore contacts was on halloween
i think i’ve forgotten how to do them
and i was never much good in the first place
argh. i hate eyes.

lazer surgery&piano glasses please.

i am researching signing on.
you must be ‘out of work or working less than 16 hours per week’
-done, i work five.
available, capable of and actively seeking work
-true, after june 18th. except for going on holiday.

eee. it’s £50.95 but it says you might not get the full amount if you work part-time
i think i’m gonna be eligble as i’m not technically a full-time student if i’m between college and uni.
i might go down and have a word after my last exam.

I swear, I can’t stand this place
and whats becoming of me
the longer i have to stay.
I want to
think all unthinkable things
and say what I shouldn’t say
I need a change

this song couldn’t be more apt if it tried.

MUNDANE. LACKLUSTURE. MONOTONOUS.
three words that cover both myself and life in general.
i’m concise. and sick of everything and everyone.
i wish i was never born.

dear june,

words cannot express how much i missed you.

as if it’s actually june already.
as if i’ve forgotten to listen to nickasaur! for ages.

he makes some nice tunes but he ain’t half funny looking.

i wish they’d hurry up and have my prescription of contact lenses in stock, i really wanted to go swimming tomorrow!
they’d better have them soon…3-5 working days means it might be friday though, goddamnit.

question: when did you last play a board game?
answer: nye. it was cold and snowing and i didn’t want to get super dressed up to go to a bar in town where we spend 70% of our time in the courtyard or out front so i decided not to go. strangely, that’s where my brother ended up and i got some drunken phone calls of the homecrowd telling me about his ‘bad dancing’ but i went round to rachel’s house to get drunk with her and bella and we spent two hours playing cluedo.
i think i played frustration with my sister a couple of times last year and once michael came over to play monopoly (that we never even got round to) so my grand total of game playing in the past year is a pathetic 3.
i want people to play board games with me again and not get frustrated when we play monopoly.
i miss my grandma and playing dominos with me
i miss being little and playing ludo and snakes & ladders and rummikub with ellis tonnes.

weird. usually the sv questions of the day are just usa centered or really rubbish but that one actually reminded me of stuff.
y’all should join.